Nav Navratil, manager of the Clarence River Women’s Refuge and Outreach Service, deals with the consequences of domestic violence, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.“Some women are so distraught when they come here even making a cup of tea or getting the kids to school becomes an absolute issue, because they’re so fearful, and can’t think straight,” Nav told the Clarence Valley Review.
“When they leave the situation, it’s the most dangerous time for a woman and child. The offender loses control over the victim, so they tend to up the anti, or they tend to make more threats. ‘If you leave me I’ll kill you’; ‘if you leave me I’ll kill the dog’; ‘if you leave me I’ll ring DoCS’ [now FaCS]. So they use all these things to create more fear.”
Nav says the women’s refuge is a safe place for women to go, where they have support to get back into a routine and build the self confidence that is vital to regaining independence.
“It’s about getting women to take control of their lives, like getting them to change their bank accounts if they have to, assist them with sorting out more permanent accommodation, getting them into counselling. Some of those women may have had a history of childhood domestic violence, sexual assault or they might have had other traumas in their life that they haven’t dealt with. So hooking them in to other specialist services helps develop their strength and their self confidence,” Nav said.
“Once their confidence and their self esteem is built up, they can deal a lot more better with the reality of what they’ve just come through. So their self esteem is often something we work on with them.”
Refuge workers also face the challenging task of helping women who have experienced domestic violence to understand their situation, and know they are not to blame for what has happened. Denial can also creep in, according to Nav, and workers can face the frustrating situation where a woman returns to the abusive home environment.
“I think when you work in this industry you have to accept the fact that there is a percentage of women who are so traumatised that their capacity for change is limited. I’m not saying they never move forward at all, but they’re in such a cycle that they might go back into unhealthy relationships,” she said.
“What we try and do is talk to women about what is a healthy relationship, because if you grow up in abuse, in DV, then you end up with a partner in DV, you’re basically trained to think that’s the way normal relationships are.
“In a healthy relationship couples argue, obviously, you know people get the shits with one another or stomp or whatever, but when someone tries to control your feelings, thoughts and actions, and prevent you from having your social, your family network, the women then become isolated … domestic violence is a systematic approach to control.”
Nav says it’s her desire for social justice that drives her in her work at the women’s refuge – work she says is extremely rewarding despite the challenges.
Tears well in her eyes as she recalls how she and the others at the refuge were able to help one woman and her children escape horrific sexual and psychological abuse.
“We had one young mum who had five young children, who was struggling, really didn’t know what she was going to do with her life because she was pretty much well controlled by the offender, had no control of finances … she had no belief she had any intelligence because she was continually told she was stupid, she was a slut, and all this sort of stuff. And we could see she was actually a quite intelligent woman – she just needed that boost,” Nav said.
“She went back to studies, completed her studies, moved back into the house they were living in – got legal assistance there. And she’s doing exceptionally well, and the kids are too.”
Much of what the refuge does involves educating people about domestic violence, not only the women that come to them, but also school students.
Love Bites is a program that the refuge runs in Clarence Valley high schools as part of its outreach services. The program aims to challenge stereotypes about what it means to be a man or a woman, and create discussion about what is a healthy relationship.
“It’s about challenging the stereotypes of behaviours about young men and women, being challenged about what it means to be a bloke or a young woman. What is acceptable behaviour. And it’s also about looking after your mates,” Nav said.
The refuge has five bedrooms, each containing a double bed and three singles, along with a kitchen, lounge room, children’s play room, and bathroom. The facility is in high demand, according to Nav.
The Clarence River Women’s Refuge and Outreach Service can
be contacted on (02)6642 4955, or email admin@crwr.ngo.org.au.