with Magenta and Norm Appel-Pye

While getting a massage recently my masseuse noticed a large blackhead on my back. She kindly dealt with it, but I was horrified. I came home furious with my husband for not noticing and removing it for me. Am I being unreasonable? Poppy Pimpleopolous, Diggers Camp
Magenta says: I have to admit I enjoy squeezing my husband’s blackheads. I have to wait for the perfect window of opportunity, usually when he’s done something bad and is seeking clemency. Then I pounce, knowing he has no emotional resistance to flatly refuse and run away as usual. He squeals like a piglet and the louder he gets, perversely, the more I enjoy it. I bought him some medicated cleanser and suggested he scrub his face when he showers but he just laughed at me.
Many of my girlfriends also enjoy dezitting their man so I assume it is a biological phenomenon. Like the chimpanzees, with whom we share 98.8% DNA, patiently picking out nits from their loved ones, human females also have this nurturing urge. Obviously, it doesn’t go both ways. The male chimpanzees are mainly interested in sex and competing, just like men.
In our modern nuclear families’ women and men expect each other to do much more than is natural and this is one of those situations.
One day I actually put my glasses on to look in the mirror (best not done over age 50) and I was shocked to find a long black hair growing wildly out of the front of my neck. I asked Norm why he had let me walk around like that for months and he said that he hadn’t seen it. ‘But you’re always looking at me, how could you not see it?’ He replied that he only looks at the bits he likes.
Poppy, drop your expectations and spend your money at the beautician. That way everyone is happy, and you’ll get a proper treatment. However, it is difficult when it’s on your back so you will have to come up with some enticement for him. Good luck with that!
Norm say: so Ms Piimpleopolous, you’re black in the back (boom boom!) While most of us blokes are trained and proficient in at least one, possibly two disciplines, we’re pretty dismal at any other jobs that aren’t fun, interesting, or easy. Not that we don’t mind doing chores that are disgusting. I quite happily manage to pick up dog shit and deal with dead rats under the fridge. Today I dealt with a dead python in our roof. The stench can only be described as a Wagnerian. But I can tell you these chores are a joy compared to having to try and extricate my wife’s blackheads.
For a start, I can’t tell a blackhead from a redhead, a freckle or a bullet hole, let alone attempting to squeeze it and manage not to retch. Once I offered to get my portable drill, some bog and a bit of sandpaper which I thought was the best way to go about it. But no, my little profiterole just yelled abuse. Women!
There are people out there, believe it or not, whose field of expertise is squeezing blackheads. I know one who proudly calls herself ‘The Extractor’. You and your husband are much better off if you seek out their help. You’ll also be doing your small bit for the economy.
If you must involve your husband in these gross matters, you could perhaps instruct him now and then to inspect your back and point out anything horrible. He will never do it himself. Why would he? Then you can go and have it fixed professionally without stressing the poor fellow out.
Beautician: did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance? Man: it did for a while, then it fell off.